Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
