Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
