Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
