The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
