bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
