We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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