I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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