one might say we're banned from that church
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
