Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it's like iHOP with fire
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Mom said you looked used
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I need to calm my uterus...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
