my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
