They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
