Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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