yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
