i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
