Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
