I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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