I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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