yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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