you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
