when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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