you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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