Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
