I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
being pregnant is like rehab
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sext me about skeletons
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
