I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
