i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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