i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
