When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
