worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
