My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
