Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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