It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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