That's when you crack a 10am beer
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
