i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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