Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
