he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
