Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm really busy with my period
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