i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
