I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
