You really coming over, don't trick.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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