I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
