I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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