And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
