he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
