I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
