Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We are all done wearing pants today
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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