pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
