Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I licked your asshole in confidence.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
