i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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