I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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