Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
