This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
