508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
