I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
