hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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